if you’ll be my star
i’ll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jet black
and you show off your light
i live to let you shine
i live to let you shine
but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here, with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by
The conversation was taking a turn for the interesting, and Doe could do nothing but stare at the boy beside her. She had turned, facing him full on now, trying to figure out if he was being sincere or not.
Nate was never the one to lie or play jokes, nothing of this nature at least. Her mouth had fallen open, jaw slack as her lips parted in a surprised ‘O’. What on earth was he saying? His words were floating through her ears, but the dark haired girl was barely registering them. There was no way. No possible, logical way. Her face was almost blank, the only noticeable emotion flickering upon it being one of either surprise or doubt.
"You… Love me," Doe started in her soft tone, eyes flickering over his face before she realized that he was, in fact, being completely serious. It clenched her heart and closed up her throat, for the girl had been dreaming (Fantasizing?) about her own little world where the boy she loved actually did love her back. But, now that it was happening…? She felt herself seize up. No. This was too easy. Too simple. Where was the heartache and the pining and the unrequited love? Where was the struggle? The years of battling her inner emotions?
Clearly, Doe has been reading too many books.
She let her eyes fall once more as the words Nate spoke began to sink into both her mind and skin. It took a while for her to really believe it, because the girl had grown up believing that nobody would fall in love with her. Not because of any troubled past, just because it seemed so… Unreal. Unlikely. Unwanted, for the most part. She didn’t want anyone to love her in such a way. It frightened her, because she knew how easy it was to lose someone. After seeing what has happened to her friends… Losing parents, siblings, and even more than that… She never wanted that. That vulnerability. The sense that you need someone. But, as she looked back at Nate, the girl realized that she had had that vulnerability all along. She always needed him. And she probably always would.
She took his face in her hands as she watched him fidget, knowing that his mind was probably going at speeds of 1000 miles per hour. He could sit quietly, yes, but Doe always knew that his mind never turned off. She brought herself close, closer still, until her lips connected with his. It was almost strategically planned, mostly because she had been thinking about kissing those lips since… Well, since she really met him. It was soft and chaste, over just as soon as it began. Probably because it was her first kiss, also because she was so nervous that she thought she would lose her mind. After having broken away, the girl’s eyes were wide as a deer’s in headlights, surprise from her own actions etched across her face. Finally, after a moment of realizing that what she did could not be undone, Doe broke out into a smile.
"I love you, Nate."
Even dazed, her face still with confusion and what he sensed was a bit of doubt, she was startlingly beautiful. Familiar, but enchanting, in the sort of way that he knew wouldn’t fade. He was of the belief that she had been born beautiful, and would gain beauty until the day that she died.
She repeated him, as if she needed to say the words, to have them come out of her own mouth in order for her to believe them. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” He quoted at her gently, as if speaking to her through the words of characters would make him a bit easier to understand.
He wasn’t a particularly fidgety boy usually. He knew how to be still, when to let the swell of the sea do the work, and when to bring himself to action. This was one of the times that he thought perhaps a bit of stillness was needed. He could wait, for Doe. She was unusually quick normally. Smart as a whip he had told his sister, and that was true. Doe was as smart as she was sweet.
It was a bit dramatic to say that loving her was inevitable, but Nate had been enraptured by Doe from the very start. She was all he thought about whether she was there or not, the thing he blabbered on about when he was alone on the deck of his boat. She was a comforting beam of light when things got dark and heavy. It was hard, to be one person’s everything the way that he was for Abby, and it was hard to be at school away from her most of the year. He was prone to sneak out and make his way back home often through the semester. Doe was really the reason that he came back every time, scared that if he was gone too long, she would forget about him.
Suddenly, his face was cradled in her small hands, and her face was coming closer. He didn’t even have time to close his eyes, his green orbs still focused on her face as she pressed her lips lightly to his. It was over as soon as it started, her lips a flush flash of warmth against his, and then they were gone. She said loved him. Nate wasn’t really one to question Doe. Generally, either she was right, or her mistakes were ones that she could learn from, without him correcting her and nearly getting skinned alive.
Even so, he asked quietly, his large palm catching the back of her neck as she leaned away. “You sure Fawn? I’m not always this easy to love darling.” Nate was aware of the pit falls of her loving him. His family was crazy, actually, everyone that hung around him was basically insane, other than Doe. Tenderly, he pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, firm and dry, and then one equally lengthy against her mouth.
Dorcas let a small smile grace her features as she relaxed more into the conversation. “I do appreciate your concern,” she told him sincerely, tilting her head. “But, it’s not as if I’m rendezvousing with Lucius Malfoy at midnight or anything,” the girl then said lightly, nudging him before letting her eyes fall to their hands. “I want to help him. He really isn’t a bad person, no matter what James or Sirius try to say. He’s kindhearted… He just… Needs someone who understands. And I do. I get it.” She shrugged, flicking her hair over one shoulder with her free hand before turning back to the boy.
"A little angel?" Doe asked almost sarcastically, smiling just a bit wider. "I’m not that pristine," she then tried to tell him, scrunching up her nose a bit. It was a bit of a joke between her friends… How Doe was the little, innocent one. She supposed it was true, and it was all good hearted… But… She almost wished that she wasn’t. That there was a bit of a… Darker side. Not in the evil sense, just in the not-so-angelic way. However, if she continued baking and singing and never kissing anyone, she supposed that this angelic thing was here to stay.
When he asked her that question, the girl felt a large, strange lump in her throat. She watched him kiss her hand, the closest she’s actually ever gotten to a kiss, and her mouth instantly went dry. Doe merely nodded her head, willing her voice to come back to her. “Of course I do,” she breathed out. Her tone was still light, but her cheeks were growing a deeper shade of red. Merlin, could he tell that she was being honest? She quickly avoided his gaze, sucking in a breath as if that would help the coloring of her cheeks.
The Ravenclaw couldn’t help but snort, brushing her bangs away from her face in a quick, swift motion. “That’s what you think now. What happens when the Dorcas Meadowes fan club comes about? And boys from all over the school are fighting for my attention. Oh, I think you’ll get yourself sick over it.”
Seeing Doe relax helped Nate to ease into things too. Though he often came off cool as a cucumber, Nate’s moods were pretty easily influenced, especially by Doe’s. He squeezed her hand at the mention of Lucius and waited nervously for her to finish before speaking. “Maybe you aren’t, my sweet but… He is. And I have no doubt that he’s not evil. If you see the way he looks at Lily… there isn’t a doubt that he has the capacity to love with great depth, and I can’t imagine some one truly evil looking at someone like that.” Leaning against his knees he looked up at her.
Doe wasn’t flawfree he knew. He worried that one day her tendency to trust and believe in others, especially folks with darker backstories would come to bite her in her bum. He knew that she didn’t always appreciate being thought of as little, and though she was small, much smaller when compared to him, he tried his best to casually angle himself so that he was looking up to her. A metaphor, if you will for their morality.
He himself didn’t come from the best family, and Doe had never held that against him. So he wanted to reiterate the sincerity of his trust of her. “You’ve never really been one to back down from a challenge. There’s no doubt at all, the poor bugger could use another friend, and it’s obviously not going to be one of those Marauder boys. I do wish you luck, darling. Though, I’m sure you’ll be phenomenal all on your own.”
He watched her nose scrunch and heard the tone of her statement, and couldn’t help himself from laughing, attempting to hold back so that the librarian wouldn’t come and knock them upside their heads. “You’re the cleanest soul I’ve yet to meet, and there isn’t any shame in that. Maybe darkness just isn’t in your nature, but believe me, it doesn’t make you less interesting, or appealing. At least… not to me. Not at all. I find you stunning, Doe. I always have, and I fear I always will.”
"I am I not fan club enough for you darling? Should I ask Snape and that Lupin fellow, and maybe even Davies to join?" He cleared his throat lightly, and carried on, grateful for the shot of courage her affirmation gave him. "I suppose that I wasn’t very clear, earlier. I don’t love you the way that a brother loves a sister, or one friend loves another. Well, I do, I guess. But my love for you is bigger than that. I love you in all the ways one soul can love another. I am sorry, that I might have been thick, or misleading about that. I’m sorry that I have sat on my hands and done nothing about it, even though I’ve known since I bloodied Goyle up for talking about you in a less than honourable way. And if you don’t feel the same way, then that’s alright. You’ll always be my Fawn yeah, no matter what. I’ll zip my lips and never speak a word about it again, if that’s really what you want. But I hope that it’s not, Doe. I hope, like me, you’re willing to be a bit selfish, a bit greedy. I hope that you’re willing to want more, that’s all."
The smile he shot her was soft, and slightly crooked. He looked from her flushed face to the wood of the table before them, smoothed over from years of students before them. He pulled at the lobe of his ear, as if that would stop his head from running a mile a minute, and he cursed Zabini for talking him into taking a risk.
Alright, fuck this.
I don’t give a flying fuck what you want with her. To snog, to shag, whatever. If you like her enough, you have to do something about it. And my sources say she’s also been talking to Snape as well. What if you keep waiting and waiting, thinking that you’re not good enough and blah blah blah and she runs off with him, huh? Or Remus. I know they’re good friends, always trading books and giggling like fuckin’ school girls. She’s not ugly, she’s not a dumb slut, and she’s nice or whatever. If that’s what you’re into. Man up and do something about it before she finds someone else. Really, Nate. Come on.
It’s as if you truly believe I am a nitwit. It’s not as though I haven’t thought of that. I am genuinely very nervous about it, you know Aurora. I am nervous that she will choose someone else to be all her firsts, and I am jealous of Lupin and Snape and whomever else that she chooses to spend time with that isn’t me. And I know that I’m being ridiculous and I know that time is running out. But as happy as I would be, if me and Doe were ever to get together… I would also have to mourn the end of one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. It’s one of those no turning back sort of things. I just want to treasure this moment for a little bit longer.
Merlin, you love her so much that I want to vomit all over you. Disgusting. Fucking tell her, or I will. And you don’t want me taking this in my hands. Seriously. Fucking grow a set and tell her or do something, for the love of Merlin. This whole “pining” thing is getting ridiculous already, and I’ve only known for, like, five minutes, love.
We could put it under a pseudonym. Or anonymously. Something like that. You’d still get the money, but you would also get privacy. No girls trying to throw themselves at you asking for an autograph. Well, no more than usual.
Come on, Rory, love. When have you ever known me to be brave. This isn’t a bit off a flirt and a snog and then, BAM I’ve got a bird. It’s Doe. It’s… delicate. It’s not my fault that I tend to need a bit of a push to get down to business. /I’m/ delicate, and besides. If it goes awry then.. I’m fucked basically.
A pseudonym might be a good idea, but still. This would have to be a one off. I’m really only agreeing to see that lovely face of yours smile. Despite the fact that my family is loaded, and that I’ve been subtly taking small amounts of cash and putting them into a private account, but a little padding couldn’t hurt at all. I might want to cut and run, one day you know?
Sweet Merlin, really? Doe? Oh, that is cute actually. And wait, perfect? Nobody’s perfect, Nate. You should know that. Sweet Salazar, stop selling yourself so short. You’re Nathaniel fuckin’ Nott. There are so many fuckin’ redeeming qualities about you. Get your head out of your arse and tell her how you feel or so help me, I will beat you.
Well, I do want to work in that industry. Why the hell not? I’m serious. I think you could make a wank load of money off this. And yeah, I’m pretty smart. No modesty there. I’m lovely. But, you’ve got the words. I’m merely the brains behind the operation.
Okay, so she’s not perfect. I’m not putting her on a pedestal or anything. Sometimes she’s got a bit of a temper, and heaven knows it’s a pain in the ass to get her to stop reading long enough to look at me. But… she’s perfect for me, yeah? I just feel like I’m too much of a hassle. I’m a twit, I know but please, saving the beatings for the bedroom, yeah?
I’ve already got a wank load of money. Besides, I don’t want to encourage the fan girls. They get word I’m writing a book and it’ll be their tossing bible. “I’ve got twelve copies Nate, could you sign them. What did you mean in Chapter Three when`” yada yada yada. Nope the future for me is on the open seas. Sides my dad would probably kill me if I didn’t take over the shipping business. You don’t want my death on your lovely smart hands now do you?
Damn. To think, I thought I was finally going to live a fangirl’s dream. Talk about having something to brag about. And no, I wasn’t talking about your little… Club. Which is fuckin’ creepy, by the way. Someone told me you were getting awfully close with Little Angel Meadowes. I was just fact checking.
We’re going to have to write a book on all of your little quips and bits of advice. Can the book be called Nathaniel Nott: Covered in Chocolate? It might sell more.
Is that all that I am to you, doll? A conquest awaiting? I’m hurt, I’m injured, you’ve marred me. Oh, me and Doe? Well, though she is as lovely as ever, you’ve hit the nail on the head. She’s…. perfect. And I’m just Nate. The worlds worse Slytherin. No, love, I’m painfully single.
Me, Nathaniel, best selling author? Well it does sound wonderful, and as you’ve contributed the title, I will split the profits with you. You should be a marketing direct or something. You’re right smart about that stuff aren’t you?
Oh? Are you suggesting something, Mr. Nott? I don’t think your girlfriend will think too highly of us doing anything with chocolate.
Well, you are right about that bit. But I don’t really care about anyone except a small handful of people. Like… Three people. Maybe four on a good day. Five if I’m extremely drunk. Most important three s’s? I think our list are two different things. Mine’s sex, smoking, and silence. Yes. That’s a good list.
Now, dear. Dreams are dreams love, and best kept in our head. Besides, I haven’t got a girlfriend, no matter what those fan club girls attempt to tell you.
Being selective isn’t wrong at all! Focusing your efforts on a smaller number of people just tends to lead us to larger amounts of affection. You can quote me on that it’s alright. Nott’s Sage Speak. It’s good to have a list though, no matter how wonderfully debauched it is.
I think you’re mistaken. Sweet dreams are made of chocolate and naked men covered in it. That, my dear, is a sweet dream.
Oh, I plan on it. After all, I’ve got no complaints so far. This young? Try ever. Ugh. The thought sends this mood killing shiver up my spine. I’d be the worst mum ever anyway. I can’t even take care of a goldfish.
I am a man. I possess the ability to aquire chocolate. Ergo, try sleeping on it, and then tell me it’s not a lovely tooth achingly sweet dream.
I dunno, Rory. I think your protective streak is secretly a mile wide. With a bit of training I’m sure you’ll be a lovely mummy. I want a couple little buggers. Maybe just one or two to dote on. Show ‘em how to swim and surf and sail. The most important three s’s.
I had the worst nightmare last night.
I was all big and pregnant. Merlin’s beard. If having kids means getting fat, I want no part of it.
Sweet dreams are made of this, doll.
It’s all right, you keep that figure how it is, Rory. No need to think of babies this young, am I right? You just finished being one yourself!